Would you like to possess your very own Scantron machine — a device that scans completed test sheets that students fill out for standardized tests?
No? We didn’t think so.
One such stolen device is apparently available from the thief or thieves who took it from a second-floor teachers lounge at Darien High School. It’s estimated value is $4,730, but you could probably get it for a steal.
What you would then do with it is a mystery, and so, when two teachers at the school reported it missing on June 13, school officials kept on thinking it would turn up elsewhere in the school.
After all, who would steal it when they wouldn’t have anything to do with it afterward? Who could they sell it to? Who would buy a scanning device for standardized tests using Scantron testing sheets? Rogue educators conspiring … to do what? Stealing from taxpayers has got to be easier than trying to unload this thing.
It would be the most boring senior prank ever.
There are no reports of pictures of it having been sent to school officials from vacation spots around the country or abroad, taunting them with how much fun it’s having over summer vacation. Nobody does that with a Scantron machine.
The teacher’s lounge is normally locked, and there was no sign of forced entry. Reviews of surveillance camera recordings for nearby hallways and stairwells didn’t turn up anyone sneaking off with the device.
Finally, the theft was reported to police on July 18.
(Then again, you could put it next to your stolen radioactive Troxler 3440 Nuclear Dosimeter.)