Darien First Responders Strut in Red High Heels for Domestic Violence Awareness

Here’s the challenge the men faced: Walk a mile up and down the hard asphalt of the Post Road in cold, damp weather, part of it a bit uphill.

And smile as you accept good-natured ribbing from the spectators (often their wives and families) because (almost all of) you are doing it in red high heels.

Some of the men wobbled, some had a harder time of it than others, but it seemed like everybody was smiling. The Darien event, from 9 to about 9:30 a.m., Saturday was one of many “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” events meant to raise awareness of and money to deal with domestic violence.

Only first responders — police, firefighters and emergency medical technicians from Darien EMS-Post 53 — were allowed to march in this event, the first ever in Darien. Some Westport police and Rowayton firefighters also joined.

“They were all good sports, which is really a testament to the calibre of people in our town,” said Sandy Sarhatt, co-chair of the Darien Domestic Abuse Partnership, which organized the event. “They were very receptive, and we appreciate them.”

“This takes the cake!” said one marcher, wobbling along in his red heels. “This is the most painful thing I’ve ever done!”

The Darien walk-a-thon raised money for the Darien Domestic Abuse Partnership’s awareness efforts and for victims services provided by the Domestic Violence Crisis Center, an organization with offices in Stamford and Norwalk that helps victims in Darien and nearby communities.

“How the hell do you do this?” one high-heeled walker said to another as they stepped by.

After assembling on the Post Road in front of Hindley School, the walkers stepped on down the Post Road along a lane that had been marked off for them with traffic cones and supervised by police wearing sensible shoes. They marched to a point about half-way between Renshaw Road and Old Kings Highway South, then turned back — that made it a mile.

A bunch of other walkers were overheard talking:

“I would expect as much from a guy who goes for pedicures!” one said.

“Ohhhhh!” several others said, laughing.

“That’s all I’m saying,” the first one continued. 

First Selectman Jayme Stevenson read a proclamation just before the walkers started their mile stint. State Rep. Terrie Wood and Board of Selectmen candidates Marc Thorne (a Democrat) and Spencer McIlmurray (unaffiliated) were among the spectators. Among the marchers were Joe Warren (a former selectman and a volunteer firefighter) and town Fire Marshal Bob Buch.

A woman’s voice from a loudspeaker on a Darien EMS-Post 53 sports utility vehicle: “Make it work! Move it girls! Move it!”

According to the Walk06820.org website: “Hundreds of Darien residents have been victims of domestic violence and many more have gone unreported. Domestic abuse takes a physical and psychological toll on the victim and the family.”

A police officer’s comment in between directing traffic: “A couple of these people — I think they’ve been practicing!”

From the Domestic Violence Crisis Center website says “Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence, is hurtful, repeated and intentional behavior that one person uses to maintain power and control over another in an intimate relationship.

“Domestic violence “can manifest as abuse that is verbal, emotional, psychological, physical or sexual. Some of these behaviors include: threats, name-calling, put-downs, isolation, withholding of money, physical harm and sexual assault.”

A red-heeled walker struggling up the incline between St. Luke’s Parish and Old Kings Highway South: “Nobody told me there would be a hill!”

A spectator: “You’re doing great!”

Response: “Thank you!”

One spectator: “Any twisted ankles out there?”

Response: “Some close calls.”

Next year, other Darien men will be invited to don the high heels, Said Sarhatt, co-chair of the event’s organizer, Darien Domestic Abuse Partnership. Rita Bailey is the other co-chair. Darien Police Sgt. Alison Hudyma was chair of the event.

“We’ll be expanding it [to others who want to walk], but we’ll always focus on first responders,” Sarhatt said. “This is a great way to focus on men in our community who are role models.”

A Midwestern mail-order company selling high heels especially for cross-dressing men provides the shoes to the organization. After the walk, Sarhatt reminded the men to return their shoes, which can cost $40 and more.

Someone to one of the walkers at the end: “You wear it well!”

At about 9:45, a Darien EMS-Post 53 ambulance rumbled from the scene, turning right off of Nearwater Lane onto the Post Road. Before it got to the intersection with Noroton Avenue, its siren started, lights flashed, and the ambulance drove down the left side of the road to get to the scene of some emergency. Darien first responders were taking on the next crisis, as they regularly do.

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More from the Domestic Violence Crisis Center website:

Common Forms of Abuse

• Verbal, psychological, emotional: Your partner uses insults, put-downs, name calling or mind games to humiliate, confuse or make you feel bad or guilty.
• Isolation: Your partner controls what you do, where you go, who you see and talk to, what you read, activities you are involved in, how you dress.
• Economic: Your partner controls all the finances, makes you ask for money, gives you an allowance, demands an accounting for every expenditure, prevents you from getting or keeping a job.
• Coercion and Threats: Your partner threatens to leave you, take the children, report you to welfare, commit suicide, hurt someone or something you love in order to control you.
• Intimidation: Your partner uses looks, gestures or actions that are threatening to you.
• Physical: Your partner hits, slaps, pushes, kicks, shakes, strangles or uses any kind of physical force against you. Your partner harms or destroys something you hold valuable, including pets or treasured objects.
• Sexual: Your partner rapes you, hurts you or forces you to perform acts against your will.

Your partner may use one, several or all of these forms of abuse in any combination to control you.

The abuse may start out very slowly and increase over time so that you may be unaware that it is happening. It may start as verbal or emotional abuse and become physical. The physical abuse may become so bad that your health and life are in danger.

Any kind of ongoing abuse between adults will have a seriously negative impact on children in the household and may result in damaging psychological, emotional and behavioral problems.

[…]

Domestic violence occurs in heterosexual relationships, gay and lesbian relationships and is common in teenage dating relationships. Domestic violence crosses all boundaries and can happen to anyone regardless of age, gender, race, religion, culture, socio-economic level or educational attainment.